Who is Trustworthy in a Relationship?

If you do not meet a significant other at the bar or church, where are you supposed to meet him or her at?

Some of my friends and I discussed this question previously as we felt it hard to meet decent individuals. Although we laugh and joke at apps like Tinder and online dating websites, it is heavily becoming the norm in our culture to find our counterparts online before actually meeting them in person.

How do we know that people online are actually who they say they are? Scary as it can be, we don’t know for sure. The profile each individual sets up can be presented in a manner that gives us an assumption or perception that may be misleading. For example, Brad Paisley’s song “Online” is about an individual setting up his life to look “cool” and basically “entertaining” in an online platform where his true identity can remain hidden. The problem with this—besides the fact people can outright lie—is people can choose to only include the positive information about themselves while leaving out negative flaws that might disturb their viewers. So while one might risk being caught with their fake or partially fake identity, they seem to find the outcome pleasing enough to continue hiding their true character.

This deception characters and personality has occurred long before the internet allowed people a platform to hide behind. Shakespeare in his cleverness, was able to disguise male actors playing female roles that dressed as men, perhaps not to score a date or look cool online but to get ahead in terms of gender equality. We see Rosalind transform to Ganymede and Celia as Aliena in the play As You Like It. In Twelfth Night, Viola disguises herself as Cesario. Olivia ends up falling in love with Sebastian, but clearly it is not the Sebastian she thinks it is. She ends up taking herself to marriage because of Viola’s deception, in which she thinks she is marrying Viola’s personality when instead she marries the actual Sebastian.

The difference today that the online platform contains is the range and flexibility with which people can display themselves. They are held less credible to their true identities and are harder to track down. Even if someone posts under their own name on social media, that person could refute that it actually happened by claiming someone else hacked his or her account. Then, who is to blame?

 At least before the power of online, people were likely to be caught for their mischievous behavior. In Twelfth Night, Malvolio was tricked of Olivia’s identity by Fabian and Sir Toby with the help of Maria. This prank of acting as Olivia is revealed simply because Olivia explains to Malvolio it is not her handwriting. If this had been typed out instead of written, the scheme may have worked.

While the credibility of some online dating sites and apps is not trustworthy, it may be the new avenue for successfully finding the person one desires. It might take crawling through a few liars or sketchy people, or perhaps a marriage to someone you really don’t know like Olivia, but hopefully it leads to happiness like many of Shakespeare’s marriages do at the end of his plays.

The Power of the Conditional

At the conclusion of As You Like It, Rosalind (as Ganymede) neatly resolves every issue of homoerotic desire that has arisen throughout the tangled lovelines of the play. She has to fix the "problems" of this queer desire and potential queer marriage plot, and the way in which she manages this feat is incredibly similar to Portia's solution in The Merchant of Venice.

Terrible disguise aside, Portia's plot serves her well.

In her plot, Portia uses a strict interpretation of language to force Shylock into sparing Antonio, telling him that "this bond doth give [him] here no jot of blood; / the words expressly are 'a pound of flesh.'." (Merchant of Venice 4.1.306-07). She traps him with the language of the deal, interpreting each clause literally in order to accomplish her goal. It is only when in drag that she is able to exert her power, but what a power that is. Portia's command of language transcends that of anyone else in the play, and she is able to trap Shylock into doing what she wants him to do. Portia's rhetoric is just as powerful as that of any of the lawyers and other men in the play.

Rosalind's plan parallels Portia's almost exactly. She also disguises herself in drag, though her persona Ganymede is much more central to the story than Portia's false identity. Having hidden her female identity, in which her agency would be much more limited, Rosalind is now free to work out a deal. She also makes great use of the conditional here; she traps the duke by getting him to agree that "if [she] bring in [his] Rosalind / [he] will bestow her on Orlando here" (As You Like It 5.4.6-7). Phoebe agrees to marry Ganymede only "if [he] be willing" (AYLI 5.4.11) and that otherwise she will marry Silvius. Her conditionals continue until everyone is trapped into a marriage that abides by the heterosexual norms. In other words, she tricks them into renouncing the queer desire that has permeated the play up to this point.

Don't worry, Orlando: no homo.

In drag, these women are able to fully employ powerful rhetoric and achieve their ends. Though both women clearly have a strong command of language and understand how to use it, their true agency only comes through when in drag. This gender-bending makes a statement about the power dynamics at the time; women lacked only the recognition for their skills, not the intelligence. Both women also demonstrate the overwhelming power of language; each is able to use the conditional and a literal interpretation of contracts in order to achieve their goals. Through this expert use of rhetoric, both women resolve all the issues in their respective plays, saving the day with their wit.

My Identity Does NOT Rely on Men

No person is consumed in worry when addressing a letter to a male, but when they are writing a female, issues arise concerning if she is claiming a Ms. or Mrs. status. In our society, we find it worthy of noting the relationship status of females. This indicates that a large part of a woman’s identity relies on her male counterpart. As far as men’s relationship status goes, we really don’t pay attention to that unnecessary information. After all, wives and children exist only to make men appear “responsible” and “stable” in the work environment.

Shakespeare was well aware of this in his play All’s Well That Ends Well with the creation of the character Helen. Helen’s life successes depend on changing her status from single to married. She originally decides it would be of benefit to bring the special remedy from her father to heal the King. Upon notifying the Countess of this choice, the Countess replies, “This was your motive/For Paris, was it? Speak.” (1.3.217-18). Helen responds, “My lord your son made me to think of this, / Else Paris and the medicine and the King/ Had from the conversation of my thoughts/ Haply been absent then” (1.3.219-21). This dialogue shows Helen cannot even take credit for her own thoughts but places them upon Bertram as her source and motivation.

As the play continues, Helen disguises herself as a pilgrim to win Bertram back. Without him, she feels like a worthless being. He of course lies to her that he is leaving for “appointments,” and she responds willingly to his parting as his “most obedient servant”—not as his wife who mutually agrees but a wife who is a servant to him. (2.5.67).

 Sadly, Helen and Bertram’s relationship isn’t a rarity. Today many women still feel the pressure to have a man as a means to their successes. Helen’s inclination to lie and to manipulate others was the only way she could keep her relationship with Bertram. So while men like Bertram can quite easily flee town, women like Helen are stuck destroying other women and things all to achieve love from their “needed” man.

A prime example of this is It Takes Two with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen plotting together to rid their dad’s fiancé and hook him up with Diane (Kirstie Alley): http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5i6ve_it-takes-two-1995_shortfilms

The Olsen twins go through extensive measures to help Diane chase after the man she “needs.” So today when I hear girls on campus joke about going to college to get their “Mrs. Degree,” I realize women are still placing their identity in their man or lack thereof. I mean, after all what I am here for myself? I couldn’t possibly have my own dreams and goals unless I have a man to support my needs and desires. I have yet to hear any guy say he is going to get his “Mr. Degree.” It’s absurd because he already has it and has since he was identified as a male at birth.